Weightless
by alliecat1497
Summary: Bella is a depressed teen suffering from Anorexia. Edward is an arrogant popular ladie's man. Bella thinks he's a jerk. Edward think's she's dramatic,and only starving herself to get attention. But they will both learn that appearences can be decieving.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own twilight, but I do own "Weightless"

Ok so this is my second story. I am currently suffering from an Eating disorder so this story will be inspired by some of my struggles.

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Prologue:

Dear Diary,

I'm so disgusted with myself today.

I only lost a pound in two days. Obviously I'm not pushing myself hard enough. I'm starting a fast tomorrow for a week as punishment for not losing enough weight. If I'm ever going to get to my goal weight of 80 pounds, I need to work harder. I would probably already be at 80 pounds if it wasn't for my medaling mother desperately trying to cram food down my throat to make me fatter. Don't they see the rolls of fat on my stomach or the way that I can still grip the fat on my thighs?

I don't deserve to eat.

My mother told me that she couldn't take my illness anymore so she is sending me to Forks to live with my father.

Bitch.

That's fine with me. I can escape the constant supervision of my mother and maybe I can finally lose the last 20 pounds I need to reach my goal. Charlie doesn't know anything about my eating habits or what to look for. He's gullible and will believe any lie I feed to him.

I'm not excited about the cold and rain or the small town life. But at least in forks they won't see me as the Anorexic girl, I'll just be Bella.

I want Forks to be different.

I want to be happy

I want to be beautiful.

I want to be weightless.

-Bella

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Review if your interested. And for those who follow my other story "Silence is a virtue" I am almost finished writing, it will be updated by the end of the week


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own twilight, but I do own "Weightless"

Warning: this chapter contains language and some pretty graphic descriptions. This about anorexia. If you can't handle it don't read it.

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I've been in Forks for about a week now and I'm already looking for an escape.

I'm a city girl.

I like the diverse population, the fast pace, the nightlife, hell even rush hour.

Fork's has nothing like that.

It's a small town where the kids have nothing better to do than get high or have sex. Everyone knows your face and your secrets.

In phoenix, you just went about your business like everyone else and no one cared what you were dealing with or what skeletons were lurking in your closet. They didn't care about you and didn't want to get to know you. I liked it that way.

It's easier to hide myself that way.

I've always been insecure.

I know I'm not pretty. I have brown eyes that are way too big for my face, dull brown hair that falls down my back and I'm so fucking fat.

I'm definitely not wealthy, if anything I'm kind of poor really. Charlie doesn't make a lot as police chief and my mother had a teacher's salary so I always had to plan and scrounge to scrap up enough money to ensure the bills got paid. Sometimes Renee would go out and spend hundreds on shit that she didn't need, when I could have used the money to pay for essentials instead. Then she'll bitch at me about why the electricity was cut off.

I'm really fucking tired of my mother. She needs to grow the fuck up. Maybe now that I'm gone she'll appreciate me and what I do for her. I got two jobs just to help her and her gambling addiction. She was always bringing home these trashy guys who reeked of alcohol and tobacco. All night I would have to hear them moaning and screaming. Some of her boyfriends were good guys, some were total dicks to me and some were just bad.

Like abusive bad.

One of them would hit Renee and sometimes Renee wasn't enough for him so he would pay me a visit as well.

Just thinking about _him_ scares the shit out of me. Never again. I never want to go back there.

~o~

I had just hit my 105 mark when my mother, being the snooping bitch that she is, went through my room and found my food journal and my pill stash and the shit hit the fan.

I had diet pills, laxatives, and medication for depression I'm supposed to be taking, but hoarding for a better use, like maybe using them to get high after a bad day.

I had never seen my mother so mad. He face was bright red and there was a vain on the side of her neck that would throb every time she read something she didn't like. I never her to invade my privacy and read mypersonal thoughts. It took everything I had not to laugh at her because I know if I had I probably would have been sent to some institution for "Anorexia" instead of getting off easy in Forks.

I don't have fucking Anorexia.

My mother, father and doctor's all say I have it.

God they won't stop with the damn Anorexia.

Anorexia isn't even real. I don't have little voices in my head telling me not to eat. That's a little far-fetched to me. I could totally eat more if I wanted to, but I don't deserve to. Food is for beautiful, intelligent people and I've been told on multiple occasions by multiple people that I am neither of those things. I'm worthless. I'm already fat and if I eat I will only continue to get fatter and fatter. I just eat a little differently than the average person, that doesn't fucking make me Anorexic, just different. I'm doing this for the weight loss and the control.

At 17, it seems like every adult in my life makes the decisions and I have no choice in anything, which is complete bullshit because in some country in the middle east I could be married with kids already, but apparently that logic doesn't apply to me. Anyway, eating is what I have full control of. How much I eat, what I eat, when I eat, it's all up to me to decide. And no one will take that away from me.

~o~

Looking at my hideous reflection in the mirror I can't fathom where the doctor has the credentials to call me underweight. I'm a colossal 100 pounds at a height of 5'3. How is that underweight? If anything I need to lose weight. All I see when I look in the mirror is fat. Every where.

Last month I couldn't see my ribs at all, but now I can count each one individually as they stretch out my skin. My eyes are dull and lifeless with deep, dark circles under them that make me look so much older than I am. My once shiny curls have now gone straight and stringy. My hip bones are now completely noticeable and my collar bone is protruding even more, but I still find the progress inadequate. I know Rome wasn't built in a day and it's going to take some time for me to lose all the fat that has overtaken my body, but I don't want to look at it anymore. It's so frustrating.

I just want to disappear. Go crawl in a hole or bury my head in the sand and never return. I'm not good enough and I know I'm a waste of space. Maybe if I wasn't such a disappointment, my mother would still want me around.

On that note, I sulk back into my room and look for an outfit to wear on this gloomy and wet Monday morning.

I dress in an extra large hoody and faded blue jeans. I dress in baggy clothing to delude the people around me. My jeans are ripped and stained but they mold to me and are just so comforting almost like a security blanket is to a child. The hoody provides me with extra heat and appears it make me look larger so no one can see my bones. I'm cold a lot these days and I find that by the end of the day I'm in up to 4 different layers just to stay at a comfortable temperature.

"Ouch!" Damn that was a big knot. I don't understand why I spend all my time brushing my mane before I go to bed in an effort to prevent knots, only to find it littered with massive hair bindings when I wake up anyway. I finish with my hair, grab my bag and go downstairs. Of course, since it's me I walked abut half-way down the stairs tripped and fell the rest of the way landing on my ass. I picked myself up, did a quick once over for any cuts and when I was satisfied I headed toward the kitchen.

Charlie was sitting, as usual, at the dingy kitchen table with the morning paper and a dark blue mug with white letters that read "Forks" which contained his morning cup of black coffee.

So corny. At least someone is proud to live in this life draining town. I don't know what's more disturbing the fact that he actually likes Fork's or the fact he actually spent money on that mug.

I've always loved Charlie I mean it's a little awkward, but that's just how we are. It works. I'm sure it wouldn't be that way if that bitch Renee didn't try to keep him from me except for the mandatory 2 weeks every summer.

"Hey dad", I acknowledged as I crossed the kitchen to grab a bottle of water out of the fridge.

I keep water with me at all times.

Dehydration is a bitch.

"Morning" he grunted without taking his eyes of the paper in front of him. However as I was just about to cross the thresh hold into the living room he spoke up "Aren't you going to eat breakfast". It wasn't a question. He was telling me to do it. Renee always wanted to be friends so she would give me the option of whether to eat or not and of course I said no until she threatened to send me to a clinic and that woke my ass up and I ate a few extra bites at dinner but that just meant I would sneakout at night and go for longer runs.

I turned to look at him expecting to see the paper in front of his face but was surprised to see a pair of speculating brown eyes that I see every day in the mirror.

"Dad, I'm going to be late on my first day if I don't go now. I promise to eat breakfast tomorrow, o.k.?'' I ask hesitantly. He gives me a disapproving look, but effectively ending the conversation and once again burying his face in the stack of papers. I couldn't get out of there quick enough. Charlie wasn't supposed to notice this stuff. Renee must have informed him more than I had believed.

Great.

It like she's here, but not at the same time.

Today is my first official day at Fork's high. I hope to just blend in and not draw too much attention to myself. I don't even care if they ignore me completely, but there's always a few anxious kids that want to be friends with the new kid whether it be to appear kind or just to get gossip I don't really know, but I'm not here to make friends.

My only goal while being here is to get thinner and keep it a secret.

In Phoenix it was hard however in Forks, it's practically going to be impossible.

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Ok chapter 1. Hope you liked it. Remeber to review! I really like to read about your opinions.


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